Learnings since the birth of my son

As you'll  have no doubt read in a previous post, I'm the lucky and blessed father of a perfect little boy, and have been so for the past week. In that time I've learned a few things that you might find useful. Here's a list of the top ten...

1. Treat all of your child's orifices like you would a loaded gun - never point them at anyone. Earlier today I had to walk into a shop and ask for a t-shirt. When questioned as to the desired style of t-shirt, I could only answer with "one that's not covered in baby sh|t"
2. You'd be surprised how many things can be done one handed - I know that I'm a big, gay sook but my baby boy has fallen asleep in the crook of my arm and I have no desire to put him into his cot, he's warm and happy here.
3. It's difficult to break a baby - If you're going to do a job at all, you may as well do it properly. Winding a baby as if you're stroking them with a feather is pointless as they'll only be screaming 30 seconds later.
4. Sleep deprivation sucks arse - 5 hours sleep a night I can cope with. No more than 3 contiguous hours sleep at a time is doing my head in. SWMBO isn't fairing much better. I keep waking up thinking that I'm holding the baby and refuse to move for fear of waking him. The other night, SWMBO woke up with me cuddling her and started screaming thinking that I was a random stranger.
5. I can't swell any more with pride - Every time I look at my beautiful, perfect son I'm amazed and wonder how the hell SWMBO and I could've made something so perfect. I can only put it down to making a whole lot of love for 5 years.
6. Keep calm and carry on - Babies aren't stupid, not even those that are technically premature. If you're stressed, they're going to get stressed. If they're stressed, you're going to know about it. If it gets to the point that the baby is screaming and carrying on so much that you're starting to lose it, put the baby down in their cot, close the door and have a cup of tea. They're not going anywhere and it could save you both a whole world of pain.
7. You don't need to buy everything - This is the voice of experience talking. Once you've got the cot, car seat and stroller everything else will fall into place. Make sure that you spend a lot of time figuring out which of the holy trinity you want or you'll regret it every day once your bundle of joy arrives.
8. Microwave sterilisers rock - This has to be the one thing that I am 100% happy we bought. I can sterilise half a day's worth of bottles, teats and other assorted crap in 4 minutes. No messing around with chemical tablets, boiling water or anything. Just load up the container, add water and put in microwave. Job done.
9. Taking time out for each other is good - With the sleep deprivation and your routine being thrown into the air, shot to pieces and shaken around a bit, your relationship with your wife/husband/partner/bit on the side is going to suffer. At a minimum you should be asking each other if you're OK on a regular basis and maybe even throw in the odd random kiss "just because".
10. Breast milk tastes pretty bloody good - What did you think I was going to do with the temperature tested milk I squirt on my wrist? It's too good to waste!