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| You want how much?! |
In my first post, I mentioned that SWMBO and I had a couple of speedbumps on the way to getting pregnant. Say about 5 years worth. Anyway, the long and short of it is that we'd been trying seriously for 12 months with no success by about February 2010.
By "seriously" I mean that SWMBO was taking her temperature every morning, checking her cervical mucus colour and consistency and peeing on a whole load of OPKs that she bought in bulk from the Internet. My contribution to this seriousness was having sex. Regularly. With SWMBO. Such a hardship I'm sure you'll agree.
Anyway, after 12 months of trying you're classified as infertile and can be referred to a fertility specialist. This is great in theory, however before they'll see you they want to have blood test results from both of you as well as a number of semen samples. Yes boys, you have to masturbate. Into a pot.
In theory this sounds simple if not slightly enjoyable - you put on a DVD, watch for a while and when the moment comes (pun very much intended) you do your business into a pot. Yeah right! Firstly, the pot seems absolutely huge until you try to use it. Do you have any idea how difficult it is getting your timing right, getting your aim right then driving like a mad bastard to one of the two pathology labs in South Australia that will test your sample.
Be aware, that for an accurate test you need to drop off your sample within an hour of 'collection'. Don't 'collect' at 0800 when you live 45 minutes drive from the lab. You'll only run into the lab reception shouting "I have some semen for you" at the nearest woman and look like a fool. Allegedly.
If anybody from IMVS is reading this, please set aside a room at your Frome Road collection centre for blokes to produce their deposits. It would save a whole lot of hoon driving and unnecessary stress. We have a lot to put up with during this whole process don't you know!
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